Boredom is a Long Wait

«Mom, I'm hungry, I'm bored, can I have an ice cream!»

The school vacation has started, we have nothing planned and it's raining. «No, no ice cream now, find something to do.» The record has a crack, in the first days of every vacation I say this sentence a thousand times.

«But I'm bored! What should I do?»

I make three suggestions, but as they are all rejected, boredom wins out. The children start to argue. And get even more bored. But the boredom doesn't seem bad enough for them to help me with the housework. What a shame, really!

I feel a bit guilty about it, which grows throughout the day. The poor children, we so rarely go on vacation. They've never been to Bali, never been quad biking, never been to the archipelago in Sweden, never been to Legoland and we're not regular customers at mini golf, the climbing center or the amusement park. They're not even allowed to watch TV or play on the computer all the time! I hear the latter every minute because it's unfair. So unfair!

At some point, my husband feels sorry for me and grabs the boys for the swimming pool. Enthusiasm. They pack up and head off. The boredom is interrupted for just under three hours and if we thought it had been defeated for the day, we were wrong: as soon as my children come in the door, they ask what we're going to do now. (Hunger, boredom, ice cream!) You could get the impression that it has become even more boring. Boredom in a nutshell, so to speak.

My former colleague from my professional life as an educator used to say: «When the children start spinning in circles on the floor, the boredom is great enough for the good ideas to come!»

«Why don't you spin around in circles a bit,» I suggest to my youngest as a joke. He giggles. Then he does it.

Doesn't work if it doesn't come naturally: «Can I have an ice cream? I'm hungry.»

Boredom – what exactly is it?

Hunger is the right word for this feeling. It really does feel a bit like hunger. And there is probably nothing else behind it. Because where boredom spreads, there seems to be nothing, a feeling of emptiness.

Incidentally, this feeling is something of a luxury. A hundred years ago and in poorer households, children had to help out so much, there was so much to do that there was no time for boredom. If you work from morning to night, you just fall into bed afterwards and sleep.

Spare time, and with it the opportunity to be bored, is a modern phenomenon. In ancient times, the prevailing belief was that boredom was a prerequisite for intelligent thought and philosophizing. Today we would rather call this leisure. Boredom used to be the privilege of the upper classes and eventually spread to the entire population as more leisure time was made possible by the development of society. It is now a feeling that is increasingly disappearing, eaten up by constant accessibility via the internet and smartphones.

Our everyday lives are packed with appointments, demands, tasks and, last but not least, distractions and diversions. We are available for our boss and best friend. But also for news from all over the world. We are available for cat videos and the ideal families on Instagram who are currently quad biking in Bali. All happy, not bored children.

Isn't it good that boredom disappears?

«Those hours when you just sit around and wait and wait, that's what makes you gray-haired,» says Lasse from Bullerbü as he waits for Christmas Eve and gets bored. The children in the Astrid Lindgren books are still bored. The adults don't feel responsible for this problem, nor are the children relieved of it or bombarded with media. And who doesn't love the stories from Bullerbü and Saltkrokan? Who doesn't wish their own child could experience something similar?

Boredom is the breeding ground for the best ideas. While you're checking the news on your smartphone and catching up on how the Quad on Bali family is doing right now, you have no good ideas, your soul is full. Boredom must first make room for it, empty it out so to speak, to make room for something new, something creative.

The first day of vacation, no ice-cream and rain: It's the perfect place to relax your soul, let your mind wander and simply stare holes in the air. «Let your mind wander! Too much scholarship can ruin even the healthiest of people,» says Pippi Longstocking.

Play from the Depths

The educator and author Marie Luise Nüesch has written a book about Play from the Depths, which was my favorite reading during my time as an educator. In it, she describes how children's play develops and what it does.

In creative, childlike play, children have the opportunity to process their everyday life, all their experiences, feelings and impressions in a way that could not be better or more beneficial to their health. Children can play on their own or with others, they don't need adult guidance. They immerse themselves in their own world, create a protective space from their own imagination and thus begin to understand the world.

Safety and time

«We would be kittens, still very tiny», for example, is a recurring game played by children who feel overwhelmed and under pressure in their everyday lives. They build a nest, choose a caring mother and then immerse themselves in the feeling of being safe and protected. And from this the child then draws the strength to face up to the demands. The superhero game is also ingenious. To be big and powerful for once, to be able to do everything! To be a protector for once – not helpless.

However, playing from the depths is not reserved for kindergarten children. Older children can also access their creativity if they are given the opportunity.

Time, space and safety. Time to get bored, to create from nothing. A space in which it can move. And safety. Oh, that's where we parents come in! No, don't worry, we don't have to play along.

When we adults are on our own smartphones, chatting, checking news or simply watching cat videos, the child feels a kind of loneliness that puts them under stress. We humans are herd animals and children need the presence of adults as a safe anchor. That doesn't mean that they can't learn to be alone when they are the right age. But in order to form this fantastic inner space of creativity, it is helpful if the adult is present not only physically but also mentally.

Marie Luise Nüesch recommends activities that are comprehensible and visible. For example, hanging up the laundry, vacuuming, working in the garden. I've found that it also works if I simply do what I love. Writing something, practicing the violin, knitting, cooking.

Experiments

«Mom, how do you actually make marshmallows?» If boredom gets bad enough, the good ideas come. Of course, my children don't play kittens that often anymore, they're too old for that now – they experiment with magnifying glasses and the sun, build real smoking volcanoes in the sandbox, make a stop-motion video with Legos, rehearse a play and bake cinnamon buns.

Sometimes they need a little help or a recipe – sometimes I suddenly just have time for myself. For example, to be bored!